Lay's Is Growing Chips From NFL Turf

Now that the first round of the playoffs are in the books, you might be longing for your favorite team and the season that could have been. Dreaming of a Super Bowl title. Unless, you're a Lions fan. A team that manged to even lose the number one pick in the draft. Well, what about this.

Have you ever dreamed about eating Lay's potato chips grown in the soil of the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field? Of course you have, fatty. I'm mean viewer. Now is your, highly unlikely, chance. Lay's is now taking submissions to win a bag of their Lay's Golden Grounds. These will not be available at your local Kroger, Rouses, WaWa, Publix, Piggly Wiggly, Pick N Save, H-E-B, Aldi, Safeway or Food N Stuff. And only 200 bags for each team will be produced. Here's how to play.

3. HOW TO ENTER: During the Sweepstakes Period, an entrant must follow the steps below to receive one (1) entry into the Sweepstakes (“Entry”):

1. Sign into his/her Twitter account (or create a Twitter account if he/she does not already have one);

2. Become a follower of @Lays (if not already following @Lays);

3. Either respond to the Sponsor’s Tweet about this Sweepstakes or compose a new Tweet including how much entrant loves his/her team (may include an optional photo or video); and

4. Include the hashtags “#LaysGoldenGrounds”, “#Sweepstakes”, and one (1) of the team hashtags

Click on this link for all the rules and hashtags. There are only two periods left and they end on January 20th and January 25th so get those weird videos onto Twitter. For a Snack News organization our reporting skills are quite poor. But there's still time! So Bills fans, go drop an elbow through a table, Packers fans strap on your cheese heads, Eagles fans throw snowballs at old ladies or whatever, Saints fans start a second line. Browns, Bengals and Broncos fans do nothing. You weren't included. What's in your soil? I assume seized meth in Ohio but what about you Denver?

If any Saints fans out there win, please contact me. I'd love to know how they got potatoes to grow in those rubber pellets in the artificial turf from the Superdome. 

Let's Go (Corn) Nuts!

 

Corn Nuts are a gas station staple. Crunchy, good. Salty, good. Corn, um, good. They've been around since 1936 when Albert Holloway came up with the idea in Oakland. How are they made? Let's go to our Snacktion historian, Wi Kipedia for the process..

Corn nuts are prepared by soaking whole corn kernels in water for three days, then deep-frying them in oil until they are hard and brittle. The kernels are soaked because they shrink during the harvesting and cleaning process, and rehydration returns them to their original size.

Mmm. Rehydration. Delicious. They are a perfect combination of hard and brittle, though. Ol' Mr. Holloway knew what he was doing. I'm a huge fan. Before I give my rankings of flavors and pander for free products, I assembled Snacktion News to get their opinion on Corn Nuts.

Maybe we can get Snacktion Reporter One, Nicole Amstutz, up first. 

MTD: Nikki, do you have time to discuss Nuts?

NA: Always ready to discuss DEEZ NUTZ.

MTD: Well, I certainly put that on a tee for you. I meant Corn Nuts. Your thoughts?

NA: Never had them. Corn isn't a nut. Technically it's a fruit. 

MTD: You're woefully unprepared for this segment. 

NA: Although TECHNICALLY, it's also a seed, so it's also LITERALLY a figurative "nut." So I guess I've painted myself into this corner and I live here now.

MTD: Alright. That's some good TV. So, you've never heard of Corn Nuts before?

NA: After googling them, I do now. I would totally eat them. How did I not know this before?

MTD: Too busy with your corn research?

Let's toss this over to Mike Hllwya.

MTD: Mike, Corn Nuts. 

MH: I have no thoughts on Corn Nuts. 

MTD: You guys are crushing it.

How about Amber Hllwya?

MTD: Amber, for the love of god, Corn Nuts?

AH: Corn Nuts are amazing! We don't have them here.

MTD: Amber lives in the Corn Nut blind spot of the Untied States. Amber, since you're the only other one who knows what I'm talking about, do you have a favorite flavor?

AH: Can't go wrong with the OG, then BBQ is a close second. I've tried ranch and I am not a fan.

MTD: The Chile Picante is really good.

AH: How fast can you get them here?

MTD: I'll send some to the nearest post office. I don't know how long it takes the horse and buggy to get to your barn.

Corn Nuts are one of my favorite snacks. When I was just a young little snack pro, I loved the half popped kernels of popcorn. Then I ate candy for 30 years and compromised the structural integrity of my teeth. Luckily, Corn Nuts were there to fill in the crunchy corn void.

My flavor rankings were shown in the earlier graphic. I'll go through them anyway. They had a spicy one that was amazing but seemingly was taken away from me personally. So..

1. Original Corn Nuts: You had me at crunchy and salty. There was never a need for more flavors. But alas, Americans won't be satisfied until you add ranch into the equation.

2. Chile Picante Con Limon: It's a mild spicy Corn Nut with a touch of tanginess. The flavor isn't overwhelming enough to ruin the Corn Nut experience.

3. Jalapeno Cheddar: The spice of the jalapeno is great on this. The fake cheddar spray gets negative points for me. Listen, I can still power through a bag but it would be better less cheesy..

4: BBQ: I'm really not a big fan of sweet BBQ and that's what this is. I won't eat them. But if I had to, I eat those over

5: Ranch: Let me get this out of the way, I love celery. Strictly because it's a vehicle for Ranch. Ranch flavored snacks do not do it for me. Cool Ranch Doritos, Ranch Corn Nuts, um, the other ones. 

The point is I go nuts for Corn Nuts. Now, make me those spicy ones and send a case to the station. Thanks Mr. Halloway!

Taco Bell Has A Taco Subscription

 

This doesn't bode well for me. We recently covered how I spent $50 just to rank the hot sauce packets. I feel like they're targeting me. Either way, Taco Bell is launching a monthly subscription service called The Taco Lovers Pass. For a mere $10 a month, you get one taco everyday for 30 days. This sounds healthy. *immediately signs up*

Once you download the app and sign up, it unlocks a part of the menu for you to add your taco. And they aren't messing around. It gives you access to most of the taco options.

While this is an obvious ploy to increase sales, it's actually a really good deal. If you went in to Taco Bell and got one Doritos Loco Supreme at $2.69 for 30 days, that's $80.70. You're losing money if you don't sign up for this subscription. Now, Taco Bell is banking on you not going in for just one taco. And only a sociopath would do that anyway. Also, if you're going to Taco Bell everyday, you're going to die. Probably. We'll get an intern to do it and find out.

If McDonald's comes out with a McNugget pass, this show will be airing from a hospital. 

Brought to You By: Haribo

 

Hey, kids. We have another quick commercial break. This one is brought to you by Haribo Goldbears. Truly the gold standard for gummy bears. Ugh.

Is that a half eaten bag? That's going to look awful for a commercial. Who opened that bag?

An intern is telling me I sleep eat sour candy. That is just terrifying news to hear. Can we get Dr. James Haribo on the phone for an emergency therapy session?

Haribo is a German company that started making candy in 1920 and gummy bears rolled out in 1922. That sweet spot between World Wars. Hans Gruber. I'm sorry, Hans Riegel started the company and created what became the Goldbear we all know and love. 

While they make tons of candy nowadays, the gummy bear is their flagship. I clearly prefer the sour ones. Haribo gummy bears are sold in five flavors: raspberry (red), orange (orange), strawberry (green); pineapple (clear), and lemon (yellow). Tough loss losing red to raspberry there, strawberry. Not that that raspberry had a bunch of alternative color options. Clear for pineapple is an interesting choice as well. 

While they are delicious, I don't know if they taste any different. Just that, and I can't stress this enough, sour is the way to go. Thanks, Haribo!

The One With Taco Bell Hot Sauce Packets

Not every news segment can have a clever title so we "borrowed" this from Friends. In this episode, I order $50 in togo Taco Bell to get a hard opinion on the hot sauces, I blame Adam Devine for it and Ross and Rachel continue to be just the worst. 

Taco Bell offers four hot sauce packet options. Mild, Hot, Fire and Diablo. Now, I've had all of these before but I wanted to re-calibrate my tastebuds to give you an honest review of the four flavors. So, I got a soft taco for each and $35 of other stuff. I eat chips and cheese as dessert. I had Snacktion News assemble but I'll go first this time.

Mild: You are a pointless sauce packet. What are you even doing here?

Hot: Some times I prefer hot. Solid flavor. But, come on, you aren't hot.

Fire: Now we're cooking with, um, fire. Good flavor, good heat. It's my favorite.

Diablo: I like the heat of Diablo but like most manufactured hot things the flavor suffers for it. I'll still use it. Maybe mix in a little hot.

Snacktion Reporter One, Nicole Amstutz is joining us.

MTD: Nikki, what's your go to?

NA: I don't use them. Except when I do. And then I'll use any of them.

MTD: So, just a blind grab out of the bag?

NA: No, I use them in order from mild to hottest. But I always say I don't need any.

MTD: What's a typical order?

NA: Black bean quesaritos, soft taco supreme, RIP mexican pizza.

MTD: Oh, shit. Mexican pizza. Now, you're stirring up some hurt feelings. First, they took enchiritos away from me and then Mexican pizza. It's all the same ingredients. Explain yourself, Taco Bell.

Amber Hllwya joins us to tell us Mike's weird tastes.

MTD: Amber, what's your go to?

AH: Mild, always mild. I like hot/spicy stuff but Taco Bell packets don't do it for me. 

MTD: You guys are not great at pandering to potential sponsors.

AH: My son, on the other hand, uses Diablo on everything. Ramen, fruit, no regard for his stomach lining or tastebuds.

MTD: I'll send you the adoption papers. Amber, what's a typical team Hllwya order at TBell?

AH: Two soft tacos with no cheese and a bean burrito I don't eat and the cinnamon twist things.

Mike gets four soft tacos with no lettuce, an order of nachos, four extra sides of nacho cheese to dip his tacos in.

MTD: This is good info. Let me make a note. *Mike bathes in wet cheese* Okay, what's his deal with lettuce?

AH: He only likes lettuce with French or Italian dressing and nothing else.

MTD: French or Italian. Quite the renaissance man.

The main conclusion to draw from this, viewer, is that Fire is the best sauce packet and my team of field reporters are wrong yet again. Mild, Amber? 

Adam Devine, famous for Workaholics and Adam Devine's House Party and a ton of movies and TV shows, made a commercial about ordering togo Taco Bell. He used to be a regular of mine. Very nice guy. But anytime I order $50 of Taco Bell delivery, I curse his name. Thanks again, Adam.