Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Starburst Power Rankings

Four colors. Four, um, flavors. The OG Starburst handed you a stick of taffy-ish, neatly wrapped, bright colored candy treats. Starburst burst onto the scene in 1960 by Peter Pfeffer. You don't care about that. Which one do you eat first? Which one do you save for last? Which one do you give to that coworker you don't like? Snacktion News assembled to give you our power rankings on colors.

We'll kick it off with our OG Snacktion Reporter, Nicole Amstutz. 

MTD: Nikki, rank the Starburst colors.

NA: There is no starburst but red.

MTD: What do you do with the rest of them? Fix wobbly tables?

NA: *goes back to making Fritos Pie on sturdy tables*

Let's throw this to our new snacktionnews team member, Molly Mayhem. Welcome to the team, what brought you here?

MM: Reece's 

MTD: I meant to the news team. Doesn't matter, let's go to your rankings.

MM: Pink, Red, Yellow and Orange.

MTD: I knew pink was your one. Do you especially like strawberry flavored candy?

MM: I like candy in general but strawberry flavors are great.

MTD: Do you like strawberry milk?

MM: Absolutely not.

MTD: I definitely don't snort strawberry quick powder either.

MTD: Nobody seems to like orange starburst. Why do you think that is?

MM: Because it doesn't taste like oranges?

MTD: Yellow was also low on your list. Same reason as orange?

MM: I don't think many people like lemon candies either.

Oh, we'll see about that.

Mike Hllwya, I'm going to need your rankings.

MH: Yellow, Red, Pink, Orange.

MTD: Yellow is a hot take. Do you just love Crystal Light or anything yellow-ish?

MH: I'm a lemon connoisseur.

MTD: I used to just eat lemon slices. Did you suffer from the same problem?

MW: More of a lemon flavoring connoisseur.

MTD: Do you have a favorite lemonade?

MW: Minute Maid.

Let's go to a commercial break.

MTD: Fucking Minute Maid! He's fired. Minute Maid. 

Oh, we're back.

MTD: *shuffles papers* 

MTD: You also hate orange starburst.

MW: Orange doesn't rhyme with anything.

MTD: Can we get security up here?

Alright, now that Hllwya has been removed from the building, we can finish up with my ranks. 

1. Yellow. I rehired Hllywa. 

2. Red. 

3. Orange.

4. Pink. Pink is not good, Molly.






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